by Stu McCallister,
House MC at Dr. Grins (Grand Rapids)

This is my advice on how to do a better job as an open micer onstage. I know something about open mics as I do them and have run one myself for 3 years now. None of this pertains to any material you do. As an open micer, you have to figure out what is funny on your own. This is all about how you act at the club.

In no particular order...

1) Be professional when you get to the club. Check in with the guy running the open mic. Ask about any rules they might have pertaining to time, material, or anything else. Be respectful and stay out of the way. Most clubs don't necessarily want to run an open mic. Don't give them a reason to not do it.

2) Watch where the mc/host goes up on stage. This should be how you get on the stage too. More than likely the host of the show has been there before and knows what he is doing. Follow his lead. Be prepared to get onstage when it is your turn. You should already know your order number so don't be unprepared and be in the back when your name gets called. There is nothing worse than having the applause die before you got onstage because it took you 30 seconds to get up there. Be ready to go!

3) If you take the mic out of the mic stand put the stand behind you! Otherwise it is a distraction and hinders people's view of you.

4) Put the mic near your mouth!!! It is important for people to be able to hear you so the mic needs to pick up what you are saying. Pretend the mic is an ice cream cone (it doesn't need to touch your lips, though) if that helps you. Don't cover the mic part with your hand. This defeats the purpose of having the mic in your hand.

5) Pay attention to the light/bell/other signal that tells you your time is coming to an end. NO ONE likes people who go over their time. The guy running the open mic will think you are unprofessional. The other open micers will think you are a more colorful word. So unless your goal is to be that colorful word watch for the signal! If you are dying, don't try to dig your way out of a hole. It won't happen. If you are killing, that is the best time to get off the stage. Leave the crowd wanting more.

6) Don't ask for more time. Take what they give you. If the venue wants to give you more time they will give you more time.

7) When you are preparing to finish, put the mic back in the stand and say to the crowd, "My name is -------. That's my time. Thank you very much." This lets the host know that you are done. Hosts don't like it when you goof around up there. Make it clear that you are done. Make sure the mic is back where you found it on the stage. Wait for the host to get back on stage before you leave. Shake his hand (fist bump, whatever) and leave the stage the same way you got on. Go back to where you were sitting before the show started.

8) Thank whoever ran the open mic for giving you time. It is good manners and will possibly make you stand out from the others. There are more than likely dozens, if not more, open micers in your town that want time. Why not separate yourself from them by using good manners?! Indicate that you would like more time and would want to get back on the schedule. If you didn't like the open mic, still thank the host for the time. No need to burn bridges, as you never know when another opportunity might come up.

9) After the show be sure to network (or at least talk to) the other open micers. You never know if someone is going to start another open mic or do a road trip somewhere. A good part of comedy is about who you know and not how funny you are. This again goes back to my point about not being a colorful word. You don't have to be someone's best buddy, but you don't need to be standoffish or aloof. Often you can barter time on one stage for another when you get to know people.

10) I strongly suggest not getting drunk at the show. This can lead to bad things. I once saw a guy do his time at an open mic and then proceed to get hammered during the rest of the show. He started to heckle the headliner and eventually was asked to leave. He was banned from the club for 3 months. He learned his lesson but it was something that should have been avoided altogether.

11) Tip the waitstaff. Don't be a cheapass and ask for some water and leave the waitstaff with no tip. Most open mic nights are free to get in or are cheap anyway. Buy a beer/soft drink/food/whatever and tip the staff. They will think more of you. Believe me, you want the staff to like you!

12) Don't hit on the waitstaff. They aren't there for you to mess around with. If you do continually hit on the waitstaff they will think you are a dick, creepy, or a bother. If you do manage to get lucky with one of them, then eventually, inevitably here's what will happen: the waitstaff will still think you are a dick, creepy, a bother...and a jerk. It is not to your advantage to engage in this behavior.

13) Bring your notebook/scraps of paper/manifesto with you to the club but try to avoid bringing it onstage. Try to remember your stuff before you get onstage and work it out. If you have to use your notes, I guess it's okay to go ahead and do it. However I ask you: when you're watching headliners, how many of them use notes during their act?

14) Someone suggested to me that people smile more onstage. You come across as more likeable if you're having a good time onstage. I do believe this to be true. However there are instances where you might be working on a character that is not likeable or is cranky or angry. If that is the case go with it, but then you should try to find another way to connect with the audience.

15) Stick around for the whole show. Whether you are 1st or 21st it is good form to sit and watch and support fellow comics. People have the decency to do it for you so you should do it for them. Also, it is best not to rag on other comics when onstage. This serves no purpose (unless you know the guy very well and are joking around and they know it). Lots of comics have thin skins. We are all just trying to get better. Offer advice and support if you have any - but offstage.

16) Avoid asking the crowd how they are doing. More than likely the host has already done this and probably the other comics have too. Just get into the material and go from there. The audience already knows how they are doing. Generally, open micers ought to avoid engaging in dialogue with the crowd. Stick to your material!

17) Have a purpose on stage. Say what you want to say. Have a goal and get to it. Don't meander! The crowd will lose interest. Stick to the plan, work it, and get off, even if it is only a few minutes. A good tight short set is better than a long meandering one.

18) Leave your douchebag friends behind. You are responsible for them. Clubs will hold you responsible for their behavior. Do you want to be responsible for your drunk buddy Eric's behavior?! I doubt it.

There are a lot more things that I could add to this list, but these are some of the biggest points I wanted to make. I hope this will be helpful to people so that their open mic experience can be a better one.

Last bit of advice: Hit stages when you can. You only get better by doing it!